


Temporary Bliss

by maddestofhatters



Series: Songs with Benefits [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Clint Barton-centric, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Hurt Clint Barton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-24 03:28:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30065982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddestofhatters/pseuds/maddestofhatters
Summary: Clint and Natasha are partners, but they occasionally sleep together. No big deal. Until Clint falls in love with her.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
Series: Songs with Benefits [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2216943
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Temporary Bliss

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the song Temporary Bliss by The Cab.  
> Slight TW! Several mentions of sexual encounters. Nothing too graphic though.

_I come over, quarter past two_

_Love in my eyes, blinded by you_

_Just to get a taste of heaven_

_I’m on my knees_

Natasha pulls him into her quarters and slams the door behind them, pushing him back up against it. She kisses him aggressively. Clint doesn’t mind, at all. It’d been a rough mission, they both needed this. His hands find the zipper of her suit and he practically drags her out of it. Natasha pulls back and grins.

“Been waiting a while?” She raises her eyebrows and laughs. A sweet melodic sound. Clint tries to stomp down the butterflies that are starting in his belly. _She’s just your partner, dumbass._ Instead of answering he just pulls her back in. Ignoring all the feelings when Natasha’s soft lips touch his. Her teeth graze his bottom lip and then she pulls away again. Clint makes a whiny sound. Natasha just laughs.

“How about we take this to the bedroom, huh?” She grins at him and grabs his wrist, pulling him towards the bedroom door and towards the absolute heaven he is about to experience. 

_I can’t help it, I’m addicted_

_But I can’t stand the pain inflicted_

_In the morning, you’re not holding_

_Onto me_

Clint slowly opens his eyes. His body is sore and it takes him a moment to register where he is. Then the memories from last night start spilling in. He smiles to himself. He lets his arm fall to the right, expecting to find a warm body. Instead there’s cold sheets. _Oh, right._ He pulls his arm back and rubs his eyes. Sitting up, he sees a small note on the bedside table, written in her neat handwriting.

‘Went to gym. Not back soon. Don’t wait up.’

Clint sighs in frustration. She always did this. They would have the most amazing night, but in the morning, she was always gone. To the gym, appointment with Fury, some other business. She even went on a mission once and he didn’t see her for three weeks. She did always leave a note though, maybe she felt bad for him. But he didn’t want her pity. He wanted her to stay, so he could wake up and the first thing he sees would be her beautiful face. He wanted to make her breakfast and watch a movie together. Hold hands, kiss. But she had made it perfectly clear that that’s not how it was gonna go. And he was fine with that, in the beginning. But then he just had to go and fall in love with his partner. He knew he should’ve called it quits right then and there, but he didn’t. So they continued sleeping together and every time Clint had just the tiniest bit of hope, but in the morning, she was always gone.

_Tell me what’s the point of doing this every night_

_What you’re giving me is nothing but a heartless lullaby_

_Gonna kill my dreams, oh_

Clint walks into the SHIELD cafeteria. He’s dying for a cup of coffee. After the disappointment that was this morning, which wasn’t even a surprise, but still, he wasn’t in the best mood. It didn’t help that Fury had decided he was to train the new recruits. They weren’t even real recruits, just a bunch of kids, picked up from the local community college. They were annoying and dumb and did nothing to lift his spirits. So yeah, coffee is just what he needs.

While he’s pouring a cup, he sees a familiar flash of red hair in the corner of his eye. _Nat._ Clint turns to greet her, but she just stalks right past him and goes for the vending machine. It’s not unusual for her to ignore him, but she was doing it more often lately. Especially after certain nights, like last night. He hates it, but he isn’t about to tell her that. However, he can’t resist making a sarcastic comment.

“How was the gym? Bet you didn’t need a stretch.”

She glares at him, but doesn’t respond. Instead she kicks the vending machine, which apparently ate her money. Clint just stares at her.

“What, Barton?” She spits out. _Barton._ She only calls him that when she’s mad at him, but Clint can’t, for the life of him, remember what he did wrong. It was only last night she was screaming his name. Her demeanour right now is a complete 180. This, however, is not a surprise at all. When it’s just the two of them, she is a different person entirely. He likes to think it’s because she drops her mask when she’s with him, but he isn’t sure. He never is with her.

She’s staring at him. Waiting for an answer. He doesn’t have one. So he shrugs, taking a sip of his coffee. She rolls her eyes and pushes past him, out of the cafeteria.

What was he supposed to say? That he wants her? Not just the sex, but all the other things that are part of a relationship? That he loves watching her, how the light falls just right on her red hair, how her eyes sparkle when she is passionate about something, how she tries to hold back a smile when he says something dumb? Was he supposed to say that he _loves_ her? No fucking way. It would ruin their partnership, their friendship. He knows what Nat thinks about love. _Love is for children._ And he isn’t going to change that. Still, it’s nice to dream. To pretend for a second that she wants him the way he wants her. But at the end of the day, it’s just sex. And sex is nothing personal. Not for Nat anyway.

_This is the last time_

_Baby, make up your mind_

The SHIELD office party had been lame, to say the least. So it’s no surprise that after about half an hour he’s following Nat up the stairs to her quarters, once again. She’s wearing a tight red dress that hugs her body in all the right places. Clint hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off of her. She’d caught him staring and now they are on their way to yet another meaningless night. Clint doesn’t really mind. He’s had a few too many to drink, so everything is a bit hazy.

Suddenly he’s on the bed with Nat on top of him. His hands roam her body. She bites his lip. Their clothes come off. Everything after that is just a blissful blur. 

Clint opens his eyes and finds himself in Natasha’s cold bed once more. He gets out and collects his clothes. Not even bothering to read the note she left for him. Last night is a little vague, but he does remember them falling asleep in each other’s arms. _And his stupid brain thinking maybe this time was different._ It wasn’t. He woke up and she was gone. Like always. He knows he shouldn’t be making such a big deal out of it, but he can’t help it. Or maybe he can. A thought occurs to him. Not a pleasant one, but necessary. He thinks it over and finally makes a decision. One he should probably have made a long time ago. This was going to be the last time Clint Barton slept with Natasha Romanoff. 

_Cause I can’t keep sleeping in your bed_

_If you keep messing with my head_

It wasn’t the last time. It happens again…

_Before I slip under your sheets_

_Can you give me something please_

…and again…

_I can’t keep touching you like this_

_If it’s just temporary bliss_

_Just temporary bliss_

…and again.

_We were on fire, now we’re frozen_

_There’s no desire, nothing spoken_

_You’re just playing, I keep waiting for your heart_

_I keep waiting for you_

It had been a while since they last slept together. Nat had been on dozens of missions lately. Clint rarely even saw her and when he did, she was usually in a mood. And not the kind where she wanted to rip his clothes off. He was actually kind of glad she hadn’t been around much lately. This way he could almost make himself believe he was over his petty crush. Almost. Until she shows up at his door in the middle of the night.

“Jeez, Nat. What time is it?” Clint rubs his eyes. He’d fallen asleep on the couch.

“No idea. Just came back from a mission.” She pushes past him into his apartment. He looks at her with drowsy eyes and yawns.

“Hmm, kay, well, what you doing here?”

She looks him straight in the eye and takes her top off in one swift motion. She’s wearing a lacy bra that leaves little to the imagination.

“Just thought I’d hang out with you.” She winks.

“I- Nat, what are you doing?”

She chuckles and walks over to him.

“What do you think?” She says in a husky voice. He backs up till he’s against the wall. Natasha’s slowly advancing on him.

“No- What? Wait, Nat. We can’t… I-” Clint’s breath catches in his throat when she drops her bra. She grins at his expression.

“You were saying?”

Clint’s trying very hard to come up with an excuse, but comes up empty. She’s finally in front of him, pushing her body against his. She plants a kiss on his jaw, then lowers her mouth to drag her tongue along his neck. Clint groans softly. He feels Natasha smirk against his neck.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Clint thinks back to the promise he made himself and for a moment he’s tempted to say yes, but then her mouth connects with his and all he can think about is how much he wants her. She flicks her tongue over his bottom lip and then pulls back, looking at him with questioning eyes. He stares at her for a second. _Oh, fuck it._

“Hell no.”

_I am fiending for the sunshine_

_To show our love in a good light_

_Give me reason, I am pleading_

_To the stars_

Nothing like an early training session to keep him sharp. He tries not to think about last night. He enjoyed it, but it didn’t help his crush on Nat at all. If anything, he was just reminded of the fact how meaningless this all was to her. She didn’t even stay the remaining hours of the night. After they were done, she left. Mumbling something about having paperwork to do. He wasn’t surprised, but it still hurt. So he hopes a round in the gym will take his mind off of things.

Unfortunately, when he enters the gym, he’s met with the sight of Nat in a tank top beating the absolute shit out of one of the other agents. The man is about twice her size, but she has him on his ass in less than four seconds. He’s just about to turn around when Natasha notices him and calls him over.

“Damn, Clint. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She takes a swig from her water bottle.

“Yeah, eh, rough night.”

She raises an eyebrow. He can see her thinking. _Rough night? I was with you the entire time. Didn’t seem like you were complaining._ She opens her mouth to comment, but before she can say anything, Hill walks over to them.

“Romanoff, where were you last night? You weren’t cleared from medical yet.” Hill stops in front of them and crosses her arms. Looking Natasha up and down. Nat’s eyes flicker briefly to Clint, then she scoffs.

“When do I ever go to medical.” She flashes Hill a smile, who rolls her eyes.

“Doesn’t matter. Your colleagues expected you, I don’t want you running off god-knows-where again. Do we understand each other?”

Nat rolls her eyes. “Fine, whatever.”

Hill stares at her for a few seconds, then turns around and walks away. Natasha sighs.

“I don’t know why, but that woman has something against me. She’s always questioning my whereabouts, as if I’m going to defect again.”

“You could’ve told her you were with me.” Clint knows he sounds like a child, saying it like that, but he can’t help it. Natasha quirks her eyebrows.

“Why would I do that? It’s not like it meant anything. It’s just sex, Clint.”

Clint’s trying really hard to keep the hurt from seeping into his voice.

“Yeah, no, I _know_ that… but, yeah, no… you’re right…” He mumbles. She isn’t right though. It did mean something. To him at least. Nat studies his expression. She looks like she’s about to say something else, but thinks the better of it and just gives him a half shrug.

“Yeah, well, I’m gonna go kick his ass again.” She gestures to the agent she left on the mat. “See you later.” She returns to the mat and starts sparring again.

Clint looks at her. How she uses her size to get the upper hand. How her red hair flows behind her when she turns and kicks her opponent’s feet out from under him. How she uses the most basic fighting style, but still manages to win.

Clint sighs and rubs his face. He’s not in the mood for training anymore. He doesn’t know why it hurts him so much that Nat didn’t want to tell Hill they were together. It _is_ just sex. So why is he making such a big deal out of it. Deep down he knows why. It’s because he wants to tell her, tell the world, how much she means to him. And her not even acknowledging their time together to other people is just another reminder that she doesn’t feel the same way. It sucks, but Clint’s used to it by now. 

_Cause I can’t keep sleeping in your bed_

_If you keep messing with my head_

Even though it hurts Clint to his core, he keeps up their routine. He sneaks into her room. She sneaks into his. They spent the night together and in the morning she’s gone.

_Before I slip under your sheets_

_Can you give me something please_

Every goddamn time. Clint curses himself when he finds the bed empty, yet again. He can’t keep doing this. It’s breaking him.

_I can’t keep touching you like this_

_If it’s just temporary bliss_

_Just temporary bliss_

It just feels _oh so good_ when she’s with him. She knows just what places to touch and she makes him beg for it. He forgets everything when he’s inside her. Hears her moan in his ear. Scratching her nails along his shoulder blades. And he can’t help but hope, every time, that somehow, someway, she changes her mind and it actually _means_ something. And every time he’s wrong.

_I’m your one and only, only when you’re lonely_

_Baby, why you’re calling me_

_Not another one night, trying to be your whole life_

_I don’t want to fall asleep_

Nat’s laying on the bed wearing nothing but her lacy bra and some panties. Clint’s leaning against the door frame. He lets his eyes roam her body, but he doesn’t get any closer.

“Are you gonna keep standing there or…?” Nat smirks. She throws him a suggestive look while she slips one bra strap of her shoulder. Then the other. She unclasps it and lets it fall on the bed. Clint’s breath hitches in his throat. She laughs.

“You’re staring.”

Clint wills himself to look up into her eyes. He studies her expression. Looking for any sign of emotion. Anything that might give him a clue as to what she’s really feeling. Nothing. This is all just a game to her. But he can’t take it anymore.

“Do you even care about me?” It’s out before he can stop himself.

Nat’s eyes widen slightly. She looks confused.

“I- What?”

“Do. You. Care. About. Me?” Clint emphasizes each word as though she’s a child.

“Of course I care about you, you’re my partner.” She looks annoyed. “Why the hell would you ask that?”

Clint shrugs. He’s not quite sure himself. Nat puts on a smile again, wiggling her shoulders a little.

“Well, way to kill the mood.” She winks.

The message is clear. _I don’t want to talk about this._ Well, too bad, because he does.

“I’m serious, Nat.”

She drops her smile. A look of pure annoyance now clear on her face. She sits up and grabs her shirt, pulling it over her head.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Clint. Look, I know you have a thing for me, I noticed. That’s why I took on so many missions lately. I thought maybe you would get over this stupid crush, but clearly you didn’t.” She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.

Clint just gapes at her. _She knew?_ He’s at a loss for words. He had hoped that when he talked to her about this, she would prove him wrong. Tell him she has feelings for him too. But clearly that’s not how this conversation is gonna go.

“Clint, I’m sorry, but this,” she gestures to him and then herself, “this doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s just sex, nothing personal. I mean, isn’t that what we agreed?”

Her words hit him hard. He’d rather get punched in the face than this. He struggles to form a response. Something, _anything_ , to defend himself. Tell her she’s wrong, but he can’t think of anything. His mind is a haze and her piercing green eyes see right through it. 

_I can’t keep sleeping in your bed_

_If you keep messing with my head_

“Shall I just go? Clearly, you’re not in the mood for this right now. It’s fine, just call me when you figure things out, yeah?” Natasha sighs. She stands up and grabs her bra and her pants.

Clint is still searching for words. He doesn’t really understand what she just said. _Call when he figures things out? Why?_

“I’m sorry, what? Are you suggesting… Are you suggesting we continue sleeping together?”

Nat gives him a funny look. “Yeah, why not? Look, this arrangement works for me. As long as you can keep your feelings in check, it’s fine.”

That’s the comment that gets him.

“As long as I can keep my feelings in check? Jeez, Nat, do you hear yourself? I didn’t _choose_ to fall in love with you. Hell, I’d take anyone over you. Anything’s better than the emotionless shell that’s standing before me.” Clint knows he’s gone too far as soon as the words leave his mouth. Way too far. A look of utter hurt and betrayal crosses her face before she slips on her mask again.

“Well, if I’m such a monster then why do I even bother.”

She storms past him and makes for the door. Clint grabs her wrist, regret evident on his face.

“Nat, wait-”

She yanks away her hand.

“ _Fuck_ you, Clint.” She spits out. Tears are glistening in her eyes. She continues to the door and slams it behind her. Leaving him alone with his thoughts and feelings and regrets.

He walks over to his bed. Sits down carefully. He feels numb. What the hell did he just do? Sure, he wanted to hurt Nat, like she hurt him. But not like this, right? _Right?_ If he’d just kept his mouth shut for once. Just continued to play their, _her,_ little game, everything would be fine. She’d still be in his bed. He could still look at her, still touch her. But no, he had to go ahead and ruin the one good thing in his life. _But was it good?_ Sure, the sex was amazing. But the pain of waking up alone, time and time again, of being ignored or discarded, of being a pawn in her little games, he just couldn’t handle it anymore. Couldn’t love her like that anymore. It’s better this way. That’s what he tells himself. What he will _keep_ telling himself. Until he learns to turn off his emotions, just like her. 

_I can’t keep feeling love like this_

_It’s not worth temporary bliss_


End file.
